while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
