he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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