Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
