Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
