I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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