I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Welp...herpes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
