My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
