Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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