And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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