We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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