But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
