Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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