You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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