1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Non-Jews are for practice
babies were throwing up all over the place
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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