oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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