So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
