I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
