My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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