I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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