dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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