i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
