I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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