her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
