i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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