The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
