i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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