HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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