it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
