and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We smell like vodka and hangover
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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