the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
