Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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