I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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