No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
