college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
