The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
