i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
