i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
