I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
