I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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