She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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