One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can't special order awesome
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
