We won't sleep together?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
