I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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