You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
