You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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