sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
