somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
