I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
