What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
