my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
