she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
