i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
