i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
